Shopify Closed, but Narrating Resumes, on the Homer Simpson Platform!

Yeah, I closed the Shopify audiobooks store. I haven’t sold anything in ages, and I haven’t created any audiobooks in ages either. So my reasons are:

First off, people want to push a button on their phone to buy something. They don’t want to side load or unzip or anything else. They have their credits at Audible and that’s where they’re going to shop. I really didn’t want to do more biz with Amazon, but…I’m merely a hedge knight in vassalage to Lord Bezos, and so it goes. If I was Stephen King or something, I could upset the apple cart. And if I ever am Stephen King, I will. But for now, if I’m gonna do audiobooks, I gotta cave here. Audible it must be.

Secondly, I wasn’t working on audiobooks because I hate sound editing. Sitting there clipping and snipping every huff and sigh and click…what a grind. “Green pie” stuff, if you saw my other post! It was joyless, thinking about how much work I was making for myself when I narrated. Hours of repetitive, precise, detail work for a tenth of that time in finished product.

Thinking more about Yellow Pie/Green Pie, I ran into this quote in the NY Times about the anniversary of Einstein’s theory of relativity:

Einstein told his secretary to give this answer when someone called for a definition of relativity:

“When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, you think it’s only a minute, but when you sit on a hot stove for a minute, you think it’s two hours. That’s relativity.”

You know, I LOVE narrating! I have a great voice, I have the acting chops, it’s fun. Until I think about having to edit it. Which is exhausting.

I had this after-several-glasses-of-wine epiphany last night. I thought of that Simpsons episode when Homer runs for Sanitation Commissioner, with the slogan, “Can’t Someone Else Do It?”

Yes, in fact, someone else can! Big name narrators walk in to a studio, do what they do best, and then leave it to someone else to produce the final content.

So. The deal is, I’m going to start recording again. And just…let it pile up. Hour after hour of raw content. Until I can afford to hire an editor/producer, or (quite possibly) get an intern who wants to learn the ebook biz, and put him/her on the grindwork, until such time that they’re good enough to get paid for it. Just stop worrying about the end product, when if and how I’ll get it produced, and do what I do best. And I know I’ll be even better at it knowing that every little mistake I make is someone else’s job to fix.

I really enjoyed doing “Bradiobooks” when I started, then I let the obstacles take the joy out of it. Now, I’m just gonna let ‘er rip, and not worry about how it’s all gonna get edited and produced and whatnot. It’s time to make this shit fun again.

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