Given the Circumstances: The Audiobook has PASSED REVIEW! In stores any time now…

WOW. That took two working days to pass review. That’s it. And it’s off to Amazon, Audible and iTunes, as well as a fleet of other smaller distis/stores.

The only problem I have with AuthorsRepublic is that you only get a batch number of audiobooks sold, no breakdown by site – but as they told me, “due to contractual obligations imposed on us, we’re legally currently only allowed to display total units sold and total royalties earned per month per book. We can’t currently display the sources but this may change in the future.”

I HOPE SO! The worst thing about KU page counts per book per month was how useless they were. (Now that I’m out of KU, how very relaxing to use the past tense…) I mean, if 1,000 pages of Werewolves of Brooklyn were read in a month, was that five people who read it all, or 1000 people who quit on page one? Who knows? Amazon does, of course, but they’re not sharing…

At any rate. I’d turned down a narrating job because who knows when I may end up on a “job job,” and whatever time/energy I have will have to go there for a while, until I adjust again. So I just couldn’t commit to something that would stop dead in the water while I adjusted to that.

That said. I’ve decided my next audiobook will be Apollo’s Curse. It’s not the most likely to succeed, but, there’s one key ingredient that makes it the easiest of my books to do. It’s me talking, Dane is me. There are so few other voices to create and maintain, so little “acting” to do, that it’s a piece of cake.

I’m doing my usual thing, where I reread the book and mentally “cast” famous actors as the characters, taking their tone of voice and layering it over the character’s lines. (They also have to look like the character, or how I’d cast the character.) That way when I do the lines, I’m just imitating an actor whose voice I’ve heard a thousand times.

For Rose, I suddenly started channeling Sigourney Weaver, probably from hearing her in Finding Dory and realizing how many times I’ve seen Alien and Aliens and just how she’d deliver Rose’s lines. For Sherry, I picked Sissy Spacek, at least as I remember her. Paul was pretty easy, as I’d already described him as having an indistinctly European accent.

Then I got to Jackson da Vinci. Well, that stumped me. I really couldn’t think of an actor whose talent and voice would fit, whose voice I had engraved in my head. Then I read this line in the book:

“Jackson,” said the voice on the other end of the phone. Deep, rich, male. Warm. Maple syrupy.

Out loud, I said, “Maple syrup.” Mmmm. Maple syrup…

And that was it! All I had to do when I spoke for Jackson was just say, “Maple syrup” and I had it. So when the movie is made, I’m “so excited” to announce that the role of Jackson da Vinci will be played by a jug of maple syrup. For Your Consideration!

So now it’s time to prepare, to ramp up the energy to start logging the flogging on the audiobook. But I’m happy, I was sure it would be next week before it passed review. Guess I know what the fuck I’m doing in the production room now!

2 Comments on Given the Circumstances: The Audiobook has PASSED REVIEW! In stores any time now…

  1. Since you’re now an expert narrator, why would you turn down a job offer narrating someone else’s book? You say you need a day job, but hate the realm of cubicles (like the rest of us), so why not become a professional narrator? You’d get to stay at home, use your own set-up, and get paid. Plus now that you have given up focusing on money and catering to the masses, your writing will improve since you will return to writing what you want, which is what made you money in the first place, remember? The reason you quit your day job in order to write full time? Now that you have refocused and will return to writing what’s in your head, not what’s having it’s 15 minutes, you can find the fame you want as an audiobook narrator in the meantime. Plenty of narrators have ruined otherwise excellent books with their bland monotony. Just read such a review yesterday. So if I were you, I’d take the audiobook narration jobs offered to you (no marketing!) gratefully as your day job.

    • Yeah true, if narrating was a lucrative endeavor for me right now. This was going to be a $500 job which is far below market rate and which would involve quite a few hours of work. My voice is only good for about 45 minutes every morning and that generally edits down to 15. I know if I take a full-time job trying to get the narrating job done at the same time will be unfair to the writer and hugely stressful on me as I readjust to working life.

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