A Safe and Special Place, a two minute play, by Brad Vance

A SAFE AND SPECIAL PLACE

by Brad Vance

CHARACTERS

Donald Trump, 70s, billionaire, President

Vladimir Putin, 60s, billionaire, President

Kim Jong Un, 30s, broke, Chairman

LOCATION

A Moscow Theater

TIME

Just after curtain falls

TRUMP, PUTIN and KIM are in a box, applauding.

TRUMP

Great great, really great, terrific. Loved that scene where the heroic Russian mother wrestles that Ukrainian terrorist to the death.

KIM

Where do you get these actors? My father used to kidnap all the best actors from South Korea.

(Stamps foot)

China says I can’t do that anymore.

PUTIN

We have the best acting school in the world. Russian actors are the best.

TRUMP

Our actors are great, terrific. Really great.

PUTIN

Your actors are unpatriotic. They are allowed to address your leaders from the stage. Disrespectfully. Without consequences. I would serve them all polonium tea at the cast party.

TRUMP

(Nods enthusiastically)

It’s just terrible, really terrible. So rude. Theater is no place for politics.

KIM

Our reeducation camp graduates make excellent actors. You should hear how convincingly they deliver their lines!

PUTIN

I pay no attention to the theater. I would rather see a man wrestle a bear. That’s entertainment.

KIM

I saw the news and the pictures of this Hamilton thing. I didn’t know your country was founded by black people.

TRUMP

No no no. That’s all fiction. Theater has nothing to do with reality.

KIM

In my country only reality is portrayed on stage. Many well fed people singing an opera about a bountiful harvest.

TRUMP

Terrific, terrific. I need to tweet that.

(Pulls out phone)

“Theater should celebrate America, our great terrific democracy. No room for negative naysayers.”

(Turns anxiously to Putin)

Is that okay?

PUTIN

Terrific.

BLACKOUT

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