DISTRACTED DRIVING, a Short Play by Brad Vance

Cody Wyatt, Stormy Tucker, Jasmeet Baduwalia, Beau Hogan and JJ Mungcal, in DISTRACTED DRIVING

My first five-character piece, written expressly for these talented comedic actors 🙂 We did a cold read on this last night at Take 2 Performers Studio and it went great! Official Video coming in a couple weeks; in the meantime check out the cold read HERE on my YouTube channel!

CHARACTERS

BEAU, 20s, multitasking professional………..Beau Hogan

STORMY DAWN, 30, glamorous movie star………..Stormy Tucker

FAN – early 20s, enthusiastic to say the least………..JJ Mungcal

TANNER CHATUM – 20, easygoing teen idol………..Cody Wyatt

COP – early 20s, brisk, unimpressed by stardom………..Jasmeet “Jazz” Baduwalia

LOCATION

A busy intersection in Los Angeles.

TIME

Rush hour.

 

OFFSTAGE, the sound of a minor crash.

LIGHTS UP on BEAU and STORMY, getting out of their cars.

STORMY

I’m so sorry, omigod. Are you okay?

BEAU

A little shaken up, you?

STORMY

Yeah.

(examines the front of her car)

Just a fender bender, I think.

BEAU

(Looks at the front of his)

Yeah, looks that way.

(pulls out his wallet)

Here’s my insurance card. Nice car.

STORMY

Oh thank you. It’s the stu… it’s nice. I like it. Here, let me get mine.

(goes back to the car for her purse)

As she does, FAN shows up, gasps when she reemerges.

FAN

Stormy! Stormy! Over here!

(He’s got his phone out, trying to take a picture)

STORMY

Oh, no, not now. I…

FAN

Oh please please please!

STORMY

(to BEAU)

Can you do me a favor, pose with me? All smiles, you know, no harm done, all that?

BEAU

Ummm…

(scratches head)

I’m not sure that’s a good idea.

STORMY

Why not?

BEAU

You know… insurance purposes.

STORMY

Oh, I see. Now that you know I’m famous, you’re thinking of suing me, is that it?

BEAU

Don’t get mad now, remember, there’s a camera on you.

STORMY

(turning back to the fan to smile, while addressing BEAU)

You’re an asshole.

A passenger gets out of Stormy’s car.

TANNER

Whoa, damn. I didn’t even…

STORMY

(cuts him off)

Omigod, are you okay, Tanner? Actually, I don’t think you are. I think you should get back in the car until…

(meaningful look at Beau)

the AMBULANCE COMES.

TANNER

No, I’m fine.

(Shakes hands with Beau)

Hey, I’m Tanner.

FAN

(Unearthly squeal of delight)

OMG Tanner Chatum! Eeekkk! Can I have a selfie with you?

Tanner gets in position with Fan for a selfie. He’s much taller so he has to bend a bit to get his face next to Fan’s.

STORMY

No, Tanner, don’t lean down like that, your neck, your neck is hurt.

TANNER

My neck’s fine!

STORMY

(stern)

No it’s not, Tanner.

(to fan, who’s got his pic and is adoring it on his phone)

Wait. Don’t go. You witnessed the accident, right?

FAN

Oh yes! It was…

STORMY

(sidles up to Fan)

Did you happen to see him texting? You did, didn’t you?

BEAU

Hey wait a minute! That’s witness tampering!

TANNER

He’s right, I played this guy on CSI: Boise, and he was…

FAN

(eager to please Stormy)

I did! I saw him texting!

BEAU

No, no way, I was not!

FAN

Wow, this is crazy. I’m gonna live stream this on Facebook.

(to Stormy)

I’m a huge fan.

STORMY

Oh no, don’t, don’t do that.

FAN

I have to, you and Tanner Chatum, OmiGOD!

BEAU

(Putting it together)

So you don’t want to be live on Facebook, right now this minute, with Tanner Chatum? Why ever not? Hey, aren’t you married to that guy, whatsits, the one who was married to whosits until you did a movie together…

STORMY

This is a perfectly innocent situation. There’s a perfectly respectably normally fine reason we’re together here in this car. Yes, we were just coming from the set. His car broke down and…

BEAU

Yeah, uh huh. You know, I think I should get a live Facebook feed going too, on my phone I was allegedly texting on.

The COP arrives.

STORMY

(rushes him)

Officer, he was texting, I saw it! This gentleman saw it, too.

FAN nods, makes a face at BEAU.

COP

Okay, everybody calm down. I’ll need both your driver’s licenses and registrations.

BEAU

Officer, I was not…

(suddenly notices Tanner’s pants)

Oh my god. Look, officer. His zipper is down.

(At Stormy)

You were… playing with his thing!

TANNER

(looks down, grins)

Oops.

BEAU

You were! How dare you accuse me of distracted driving!

STORMY

How dare YOU! I’m a married woman! My husband is People’s Hottest Man Alive 2012!

BEAU

Five years ago, huh. Hasn’t he put on some weight since then?

(strokes chin)

Actually, he used to look a lot like Tanner Chatum here…

(To Cop)

Officer, I want Forensics! I want them to dust his… his bits for fingerprints.

FAN

(to Tanner)

Tanner, you’ve got to get rid of the evidence.

COP

(To Beau)

You mean for DNA, sir?

TANNER

Ummm…

BEAU

(shouting for all around to hear)

DNA! DNA!

FAN

Or, you know… muddle it.

COP

Let me have your driver’s license and registration, sir, and we’ll go from there.

STORMY

(overhears, stage whispers to Tanner)

Go! Go… rub one out or something.

BEAU

(handing DL and reg to Cop)

Here you go, officer. Everything’s in order here.

FAN

Come on, Tanner. I’ll help you…

TANNER

Umm… That’s not really my…

(shrugs; you only live once)

Oh what the hell.

Tanner and Fan exit stage left.

BEAU

(Sees them)

Officer, stop him! He’s tampering with evidence.

STORMY

(Thinking fast)

I want his phone! Look at his phone! I want to see if he was texting.

BEAU

(suddenly nervous)

I wasn’t texting.

COP

Let’s see the phone, please, sir.

Beau sighs, hands over his phone.

COP

(long pause as he looks at it)

Wow.

STORMY

Was he texting? Let me see.

(grabs phone from the cop)

Oh my god. You were… That’s disgusting!

BEAU

Oh yeah? More disgusting than giving a teen idol a handjob in a moving vehicle?

STORMY

I’ll say.

COP

Ma’am, give me the phone.

(to Beau)

What site is this?

BEAU

It’s a Russian site.

COP

That figures. Is it free?

BEAU

For the okay stuff. For that there, you know… you gotta pay.

COP

(Smiles, nudges him)

No shit huh. Nobody rides for free, miright?

BEAU

That’s right. Just ask Tanner.

STORMY

What is going on! He was looking at that when he ran into me!

BEAU

You ran in to me! And besides, it was suction cupped to my steering wheel. Hands free.

STORMY

I bet your hands were free.

BEAU

Right, and both of your hands on the wheel.

TANNER

(off stage)

OHHHHHHH!!! OHHH GOD!

STORMY

Never mind that! he was looking at that when he ran into me! That’s my friend, he’s… hurt. He needs an ambulance.

TANNER

OH THAT’S SO GOOD.

BEAU

There goes the evidence. What’s your badge number! You let them get away with evidence tampering.

COP

(Totally absorbed in Beau’s phone)

What?

Tanner returns on stage, wearing a blissful smile. Fan is right behind him, wiping his mouth. Stormy fishes in her purse (*with her left hand*) for a BENJAMIN.

BEAU

Hey!

(grabs Stormy’s hand)

DNA! DNA! She’s still got his DNA on her hand! Put a plastic bag on her hand!

STORMY

Here, officer, here’s my hand.

(we can see the Benjamin folded in her hand)

Check it for yourself.

BEAU

(distracted by Tanner’s crotch)

Dude.

TANNER

(looks down, sees he’s still unzipped, fixes it.)

Thanks, man.

Cop hesitates to take the bill.

STORMY

(stage whisper)

No, this isn’t that hand.

COP

(takes the bill but carefully, with thumb and forefinger)

Well, this looks like a no fault accident to me.

BEAU

What!

COP

It looks like it’s everybody’s fault, so then it’s nobody’s fault, right?

BEAU

What police academy did you go to?

COP

This is just a fender bender, so let’s all just go on with our lives.

(To Beau, stage whisper)

Here’s my card. I think I have some… confiscated material you might be interested in.

BEAU

(weigh his options, hmm, Justice, or more Really Pervy Russian Porn…)

Okay. Let’s just call it that.

(glares at Stormy)

Nobody’s fault.

Stormy looks over to see Fan whispering in Tanner’s ear. Tanner looks shocked, then gets over it.

STORMY

Come on, Tanner, I’ll take you to the…

TANNER

Umm, me and…

(looks at fan)

What’s your name?

FAN

Anything you want it to be.

TANNER

Me and Anything are gonna, um…

FAN

Get a drink.

TANNER

(nods)

Yeah. A drink.

FAN

(to Stormy)

I’m still your biggest fan!

STORMY

(big fake smile)

Right. Of course you are.

COP

Well, ma’am?

STORMY

Fine. Let’s all forget any of this happened.

(Glares at Tanner.)

Any of it.

TANNER

Sounds great!

BEAU

(winks at her)

Absolutely. Our little secret.

BLACKOUT

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: