A Little Too Broken script gets 7.8 “Strong Consider, not far from Recommend”!

From my first reader in the WeScreenplay Diverse Voices contest!

And, so as not to bury the lead, here’s the Google Drive link to the PDF of this version.

Which is pretty fookin’ great. I’ve heard as few as 1% and no more than 5% of scripts get through a reader with a Recommend, and with the changes he/she’s proposing, which make perfect sense and which some in my screenwriting group have called out… Yeah. Big Time:

With two strong, complex protagonists, this script has a lot of marketing appeal. It has a unique point of view and a strong message. It would probably garner an R rating, which feels right for the story, since it’s not a sunshine and-rainbows romantic comedy. Making it edgier allows for more substantial exploration of love and intimacy. The way it’s written, it would also be easy to produce, with only a few locations and no major set pieces.

This is a strong consider, and not far from a recommendThe only thing missing from this script is a lack of conflict at times, which makes for uneven story momentum. You have demonstrated clear writing ability, and this script is loaded to the brim with potential. Keep up the good work!

So yeah. One more major pass to get it to Version 6.0 and I’ve got a real winner on my hands 🙂

What a year! I went from knowing 0% about screenwriting in January when I decided to adapt ALTB, and eight months later, here I am… Y’all know I don’t suck at writing 🙂 and this was a strong story to adapt – and yes, as called out above, I’m now proven right in my decision to pick the book that had minimal locations, no fancy sets, or other expensive stuff for my first adaptation. Hey, it’s a gay romance, the audience is still, alas, limited, and so thus must be the budget.

And more importantly, this is the first of my works I’ve put out there for others to critique, and I’m proud of my ability to take the notes and incorporate them, even if it changes the story, well, a lot from the novel.

But the core of the story, the feels, is what matters. In acting class, we do “cold reads,” get a few pages with only 1/2 an hour with a scene partner to figure out how to play it. And our coach says, especially with drama, that it’s less important to get every word right than to get the feels right. If that means looking at your script a little less, focusing less on “transcribing” the words correctly, fine. (Not ok in comedy, because jokes are carefully constructed, but yes in drama.)

And that’s how I feel about ALTB now, and anything else I write/adapt. Being married to your words like they’re “My PRECIOUS,” refusing to take a note, well, you’re only fucking yourself.

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